I was sitting with a client as she courageously shared with me the details of a painful situation she was in. It had come about because of earlier choices she'd made, and she was now berating herself for havingmade them. She said at one point, with more than a hint of disgust, "This living-in-the-present stuff is all bullshit. Everything we do has consequences in the future."

I was startled. How had she leapt to that conclusion? "Live in thepresent" is a little piece of wisdom I've come to believe is immenselyhelpful in the pursuit of a meaningful, authentic and passion-filled life. And she was dismissing it. Of course, I wasn't about to launch into a debate with her; this was her truth. I affirmed that, indeed, the choices we make today result in future consequences, and we went on to look at the choices she needed to make now and the ground on which she needed to stand to make them.

But long after she left, her comment was still with me, buzzing in and out of my awareness like one of those late-season flies that somehowgets into the house and can't seem to find its way out; you think it's gone, then suddenly you hear that annoying sound. It's still here! How can I get it to leave? I wanted to dismiss her conclusion as an emotional outburst, yet there was truth in her words and I longed to find the greater Truth that could hold both hers and mine. It is true that focusing only on our wants and needs in the immediate present can wreak havoc with our future "presents"; it is also true that the present is the only place we are ever living, the only place from which we can make healthy choices.

And then it came to me: the exhortation to live in the present doesn't necessarily mean "present vs. future" or "present vs. past," although it's easy to see that we're not living in the present when we are allowing our minds to worry incessantly about something that may or may not happen, or to cling tightly to an old glory or an old wound: when our attention is diverted in that way, we are clearly not engaged in our present experience. But the key here is attention. If we choose to look at the meaning of present in terms of what it is not, then let's release "present vs. future" and "present vs. past" - let's replace them with "present vs. absent." When we are fully present to all of who we are and all of what we are experiencing, when we are living in truth and not denying aspects of ourselves, we naturally make choices that will serve us in the future.

I can all too easily call up examples from my own life of times I was not present. When I was in my 20s, I had it fixed in my mind that I needed to be married by the time I was 25. Don't ask me how I pinpointed that particular age; it was just an age that was on the cusp between "old enough" and "too old" in my worldview at the time. My first serious, 4-year relationship had ended in February of the year I turned 25. That was the man I had thought I was going to marry; clearly I was not going to marry him. Time was running out.

In May of that same year I met a new man. He met all the basic requirements - he was Catholic, he had an MBA and a good job. Done! We were married six months later, in November. I was 25 years old.

Four years later I awoke one day and asked myself, "Whose life are you living?" I had chosen my profession and my husband based on a list of requirements I had taken on without examination. I was not at all present to my true self - my needs, my longings, my passion, my talents, how I wanted to be of service in the world. I was absent from my own life. I was going through the motions, checking off life's milestones on my to-do list. Graduate with honors - check! Get a good job - check! Buy a house - check! Get married, buy a bigger house - check!

I did, indeed, make choices that had huge consequences. When I was finally unable to uphold the house of cards I had built, and the truthcame crashing down around me, I realized I had to begin living from my center - and to do that, I had to find it. My husband and I divorced. It was a painful time. It was also, finally, a choice I made when I was fully present: present with my pain and my shortcomings and my needs and my insecurities and my deep longings. Had I been present the year I turned 25, I would not have married someone I barely knew. I would not have let the fear of being "too old" dictate the who and when of making - or rather, faking - the sacred choice of a marriage partner. Had I been present, the future I was creating would have been vastly different.

If, like my client, you're struggling with how to live in the present with integrity rather than irresponsibility, consider it from a different viewpoint: be present in your life. Be fully present, be willing to acknowledge all of who you are now and all of what you long to create. Slow down, be still, and be present to the inner voice that is guiding you to the truth. Be present to the experience you're having now and how you're feeling while you're in it. Be present to your fears. Be willing to ask yourself, "Is this response answering a true need, or a desperate want that is covering up something I haven't yet examined?"

I remember the day my mother and I went shopping for my wedding dress. I became violently ill, so much so that I almost ended up in the emergency room. I believe my body was making a last-ditch effort to get my attention. STOP!! What are you doing? Do you love this man? Who is the "you" that is making this choice? Is this what you really want in your heart of hearts? But I was not present to my heart of hearts. I was narrowly and blindly focused on a goal that was a cover-up for a multitude of fears: the fear of being too old, the fear of being not good enough to be chosen, the fear of being alone. I was rushing ahead of my fears, trying to outrun them. But it is only in turning to face them - in the present - that we can begin to understand them and create a new relationship with them.

And once we've paused to shake hands with our fears, we can look around and discover other aspects of ourselves that we've turned away from. Not just the fearful, shameful places, but also the hidden treasures. The parts of us longing for expression. And we can choose to be present with them, to give them space in our minds and in our hearts, andin the choices we make. When we allow all of who we are to be fully present, we can create consequences that honor and expand our truth.